Razorblade Romances
by Sohma-Hatsuharu
Summary: We'll never have happy endings for our fairytales are painted black and gray.' Numerous songfictions of couples in FB. R&R Good, really!
1. Resurrection

_Resurrection--By HIM_

I never forgave myself, the day that he had touched you, injured your angelic and perfect body. The body that I've touched so many times, held close to me in my arms. Black decided to come out and play, injuring that bastard who would dare do this to you..

You were the one person.. The one person who I have met that helped me.. You've soothed me when I was in pain, you've stopped my angry violent actions that have hurt many people around me..

I loved the way, how you would smile at me as I looked down at you from our place in my bedroom. Myself propped up on an elbow as my finger ran down your cheek, our eyes meeting and us sharing a simple kiss.

I would do anything for you. I'd protect you from those who you feared, and I remember how I gave everything to you. I was loyal to you. I would never look at another girl, for fear of losing you... I was romantic.. I tried to be everything that you ever would have wanted..

Maybe the reason he hurt you, was because you went and told him about...us.. Our relationship we have shared underneath a blanket of lies to someone as cruel and cold-hearted as Akito himself.

You know I would protect you, and keep you from harm. As I look down at you know, tears swell up in my eyes as I move a strand of your long dark brown hair from your pale skin. It tears me apart to see you like this..

But there you lay infront of me. White bandages decorating your seductive curves, your eyes were closed and you were breathing deeply. And a smile formed on my face as I saw the ends of your lips slightly upturn. You were my angel of grace..

And now you have fallen. You have been thrown around like something useless when in truth, you deserve to have someone who could give you everything you want. You're beautiful.. With your long dark brown hair that whisped around you, your delicate pink shaded lips that were formed in a smile as you waved at me, making a motion to get me to come over..

A seductive person, I can remember. Wearing mid-calf leather boots, and mini-skirts that barely reached mid-thigh. You were a flirt, always bringing attention to places. You almost left nothing to the imagination. But it was alright.. 

Because.. I loved you..

_There was a time when I could breathe my life in you  
one by one your pale fingers started to move  
I touched your face and all live was erased  
you smiled like an angel  
fallen from grace_

I remember when I had first met you. You were living at Kagura's house at the time while she was off at college. I hadn't realized that, and had come over to visit. And as I wait on the porch for someone to answer, I would run my fingers through my bi-color hair, smiles plastered on my face..

And then I saw you..

Your angelic face, the god-like curves of your body. You were perfect. Wearing leather wrist bands, a leather mini-skirt, and a corset, you were beautiful. Even wearing just a t-shirt, I'd have to admit.. You would still be beautiful..

And then we had fallen in love together. And I remember how I would sneak over to Kagura's house during the middle of the night, leading you back to my house and back to my bedroom. We knew it was a forbidden thing to do. But we did not really care. We kept begging for more and more..

As her lips pressed against mine, I knew that she had to of been an angel sent from heaven.. She had a certain angelic grace that no other woman I have ever seen seemed to have. And she was in love.. with me..

With me..

And I was in love..

With her..__

We've been slaves to this love  
from the moment we touched  
and keep begging for more  
of this resurrection

I had rushed over when I had heard what Akito did to you. And I cried all night as I saw you lying on the hospital bed, dressed in a pale blue hospital gown. Your hands were freezing as I held them between my own, sitting beside her cot in a hospital chair._  
_  
I waited for hours for you to wake up, never leaving your side for anything. And then, it was when your eyes finally fluttered open, my heart shattered..

"Haru," She whispered in a soft, velvety voice as she looked up at me with her dark eyes, a seductive smile on her lips.

Leaning down, I pressed my lips against hers, and after pulling apart, I whisper her name.. Rin.. It sounded so distant..

Your fingers were still ice cold as you reached out, tracing my face with your finger, a sad look was playing in your eyes as you cupped my face, a smile placed on her face. "Haru.. I'm sorry.. but.. It's over between us.."  
_  
You kissed my lips, with those once cold fingertips  
you reached out for me - oh, how you missed  
you touched my face - all live was erased  
you smiled like an angel  
fallen from grace_

And then my heart shattered into many pieces and scattered. My eyes were wide as my brain processed what she had just said.. It was over, between us?

And that's when I broke..

My friend Black woke up from inside of me as a rush of anger flew out of me. I smashed windows, broke vases and dented walls. By the time I was finished, tears were flowing out of my eyes as I looked down at my bloody fist and collapsed, still crying..

Sohma's were never meant for happy endings...


	2. Right Here In My Arms

_Right Here In My Arms--By HIM_

I never realized how hard it would be to see her walking down the streets of Japan. The way she smiles so bright as she talks about her fiance to her friends, whispering how cute she had thought I was. And I always would feel hopeful when I'd hear her contemplating to come visit me at the main house.

She may have forgotten our relationship, the way how I loved her still much. The way I still love her so much. And I know that still, deep down in the corners of her heart, she still must love me. No one could love someone so much and then completely forget about the special thing they had shared. Even... even if their memories were erased...

That was a terrible day, when Akito had made me do that. I remember how I felt. Torn, and broken. As if something was missing from me.. And something was.. Her, Kana. I missed the way her smile would always bright up my day, the way she'd joke...

The curse.. It has done nothing good to our family. I wish she would never of had to of seen me in that horrible form. The Bastards Offspring as Shigure had once called me when we were in highschool. It made no sense to me.. That I, the dragon, would turn into a seahorse.

Kana.. How I miss her so much, how I pained to see her the way she was before I had to erase her mind. She was getting hysterical, crying day and night, screaming.. She reminded me of Momiji and the scene with his mother..

Although, I know.. That this meant much more to me..

Because I loved her..

_She's smiling like heaven's down on earth  
the sun is shining so bright on her  
and all her wishes have finally come true  
and her heart is weeping  
this happiness is killing her_

I remember that one day, at the Sohma beach house. Shigure had brought Tohru, Kyou and Yuki out with us. And how after the trio left, he had invited over Ayame, and we had.. The talk..

I learned many things that day. That she didn't love me.. That even though there still had to be a memory.. Something that would remind her of me.. But I was wrong once again..

I knew that she was getting married. It was around New Years that I was told.. More like eavesdropped. I felt my heart tear, and I felt it break into many more pieces as I heard her explain to her friends about her new fiancee..

But she had mentioned me as well..

And I can remember how my eyelids had fluttered. Knowing she had common knowledge up to the point before their romantic relationship, it had still surprised Hatori that she would admit something like that..

That I.. was...__

She'll be right here in my arms, so in love  
she'll be right here in these arms, she can't let go

I laughed at Ayame's idea of running into the wedding and stealing my Kana away. I wish he would have told me sooner. I had the crazy idea of actually doing that.. Because that's how much I love her. I want to hold her in my arms, and never let go of her. And I wanted us to be together and live forever in happiness..

But I know that this dream is something that only happens in fairytales. Being a Sohma, we learn not to get too attatched to people. We learn how to keep our feelings hid. But still.. For one day.. I wish I would be able to tell Kana how I feel..Tell her I love her with all my heart, that I'm nothing without her..

Why is it, that all our fairytales are painted with colors or black and grey. And why is it that only people who are 'normal' live fairytales with splashes of beautiful colors, and get to live with the one person they truely love?__

so hard she's trying,  
but her heart won't turn to stone  
she keeps on crying  
but I won't leave her alone

I know I shouldn't really be still thinking about her. It's been almost a year since the incident happened, but.. I love her. And if it's possible, I know that I'll try to get her to love me as well.. And maybe then..

I will have a happy ending...


	3. Heaven Tonight

_Heaven Tonight_

"Watch it, I don't care," I muttered angrily, shoving the DVD case into her, my heart dying inside as I heard her gasp. I hated being so mean to her, and I hate seeing her fear of me in her eyes when I look over at her.

I don't mean to be so cruel to her. I love her. But she likes that girl more. "Sissy," she calls her. This girl is supposedly perfect from what I hear around the Main House. But.. nobody's perfect. It's impossible.

I wanted to help her at school when the children teased her, but I couldn't. I didn't want to see her be hurt again by me and my feelings. Because when you love someone, you don't want anyone to hurt them..

You try to protect them from it, but it's inetiable. I always would hold her hand tightly in my own as we would walk down the Main House halls. She thought it was a sign of affection, that was half true. A sign of affection. I'm just a teen..

I was your only friend. That other than the stupid rabbit who was overly hyper and hung out with the "cowboy." I detested them. I wanted to be her only friend, the person who she would always look to when she would have problems.

But I knew.. That I couldn't always help her..

She wasn't the same after I admitted to Akito that, I, indeed, did love her. He immedietly ordered me to stay away from her, or he promised he would thrash out against her like he did when we were once walking down the hallway together holding hands.

And now, those at school tease her. They have gotten her to lock up all her words, and for a minute, I can remember how I cried, thinking I would never hear her beautiful voice again. The sweet angelic voice..

And I remember how angry I had became when once going over to Kisa's to visit her, but she was at Shigure's house with her "sissy." I didn't mean to do it, but I remember how I got angry at Tohru. I hated her..

I hated how she could help Kisa.. And that I couldn't..__

_I hold your hand in mine  
I hold your hand and you're so lonely, oh so lonley  
Your eyes have lost in light  
your eyes have lost in light, and you're empty  
oh my god, you're so empty_

She's the only reason that I continue living. She's my heaven, my light at the end of the tunnel. And it's because of her, that my heart has softened and that I have allowed her to become someone I know. Her, being Tohru Honda.

And now, here I sit beside my orange haired beauty. Our fingers are laced together as we watch the amusing Mogeta anime show on TV with Tohru Honda. And I laugh, enjoying the time I get to spend with her.__

You are my heaven tonight

"You're a prince, Hiro," That Honda girl told me once with a smile on her face. I remember thinking about all the things that has happened in my life. All the agony that I have caused to others, and how I've made others suffer..

Yet, this places a smile on my face..__

Trying to find the heart you hide - in vain  
and you're my haven in life  
and you're my haven in death  
- life and death, my darling__

"I won't allow it!"

_Smack!_

"Kisa!" I hear myself scream as I run to go help her, but I feel the strong arms around me as I was pulled out of the room by Kureno and Shigure.

Tears roll down my face as I heard the loud screams, the sound of the whips as I look down at the ground...

Will I ever have a happy ending..


	4. Funeral Of Hearts

_The Funeral Of Hearts--Him_

Love. It's a thing that all of us has thought of as impossible. He would stop it before we could take another step further. I was born for a purpose. A purpose, in which, may I like it or not, I would be forced to live my life by.

I was born as the rat, a special creature in the Zodiac. And he.. I was his pet, as he called me. I was to help him with his desires, and I was not supposed to disobey him.. Under no condition, for I was to listen and obey his every command.

And if I didn't..

I had become accustomed to the 'room' when I was younger and still living at the Main House. If I would dare step out of line, I would be placed in the dark room, to cry my eyes out in the darkness and await my punishment..

It was embarassing, trying to explain to people why I had bloody welts over my body. It was from him, my 'Master.' He was trying to brand me into something that I wasn't..

When I turned older, I was happy to finally escape the Main House and away from..him. He was always in my nightmares, in my dreams and even as I live now, here at the Main House with her.. He still haunts me.__

Love's the funeral of hearts  
And an ode for cruelty  
When angels cry blood  
On flowers of evil in bloom

I remember how I would cry, all day and all night when I was younger. I knew it would make the pain worse, and I knew.. that I eventually would make myself sick. I stopped eating, my face became pale, and my bones become frail as I would lock myself in my room.

Haru, one of my best friends, tried to comfort me. He'd hold me in his arms, crying along with me, trying to help share the pain.. And then we began to slip away from each other.

I was soon in my studies, studying like a good little boy, trying to do my best so I could get into a college far away and escape his clutches. Haru ended up making friends with Momiji, and.. well.. our friendship just kind of ended.

And I was then left alone..

And I cried like never before, curled up in a tight ball on my bed. I remember crying for hours until it wasn't possible to cry anymore...__

The funeral of hearts  
And a plea for mercy  
When love is a gun  
Separating me from you

Living at Shigure's house was one of Hatori's orders. It was a bit better, if you ask me. Although, I did have to put up with that stupid cat and the perverted dog. And I was doing okay.

No more asthma spells, and I remember that I began eating more. I soon became healthy and vibrant, and I finally took up one of my many hobbies that I was too afraid to try at the Main House. Scared to death that someone might beat me, lock me up in that dark room..

Gardening..

I had searched around the forest behind Shigure's place, looking for a perfect place to start my garden. I remember that it took me awhile, about a week, before I found the perfect spot. I planted many vegetables there, especially my favorite food, leeks.

I had a great life at school. People thought that I was the best thing in the world, and they always looked up to me. I had my own fanclub, in which I was known as the "Prince" in my school. And I can still remember this one.. familiar day..

I hadn't known her. I just thought of her as another girl in my class, a girl named Tohru Honda. I remember I had walked to school with her in the morning, saving her from the perverted inu who was shamelessly flirting with her.

And I never realized, that everytime she would smile, I would find myself smiling back, my heart filled with joy. And eventually, I realized that I loved her more than anything in the world. And I was fighting over her eventually.. with him.

I hated him. The way he'd look so smug as he always shot back smart remarks, thinking that he could beat me. Scoffing, I knew that he was wrong. He was a weak person, a stupid cat.. He was.. A monster..

With Miss Honda living in Shigure's house, I seemed to become more cheerful everytime I saw her. Smiles repeatedly shown about my face, and for once in my life.. I thought that this was okay..__

She was the sun shining upon  
The tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail  
He was the moon painting you  
With its glow so vulnerable and pale

I had forgotten about the real truth. The Sohma's are never meant to fall in love. We're not allowed to look at each other with that emotion.. And we are.. Strictly not allowed to let outsiders see our curse.

But she did..

The thing that really confused as all, was that Akito didn't care. That's when I got suspiscious.. Why would he do that when he made Hatori erase Kana's. It didn't make sense to me at all, but I eventually ignored it, and went back to smiling.__

Love's the funeral of hearts  
And an ode for cruelty  
When angels cry blood  
On flowers of evil in bloom

She was the angelic person in my life. I wanted to spend my life with her. I stood up for her when someone threatened her, I would give up my life for her.. Because she was the one person who was worth living for.

I didn't want her ending up with Kyou because I loved her so much. And she deserved much more than him. And it was also cute.. That day when we went to visit Ayame. And she came out wearing that dress..__

The funeral of hearts  
And a plea for mercy  
When love is a gun  
Separating me from you

"Yuki?" I heard her whisper as I look up, blinking. "Are you okay?" She asked me as a small smile forms on my lips as I nod. I watched as she continued to make dinner as I sat at the table, thinking about all that I've been through.

I was tortured, mentally abused, physically abused. My life, wasn't something that many people would wish to endure. My life has been hell. Created by the devil himself, laughing as everything goes wrong..

Sometimes, I felt like ending it all. But that was before she came. I remember how I would take knives and press them to my tender flesh of my wrist. It helped me numb the pains. Pressing it to my skin, watching as the knife deepened into the flesh and the blood began to flow freely, I would drag it across my wrist, tears slowly dripping down my cheek..__

She was the wind, carrying in  
All the troubles and fears you've for years tried to forget  
He was the fire, restless and wild  
And you were like a moth to that flame

She always asked questions that I sometimes couldn't answer. She'd ask me about why I didn't like Kyou, or why I disliked my older brother so much. She would bring in more fears, and I'd smile, as if nothing happened..

Because I loved her so much..

And I remember how I was pulled to her. I did not really enjoy her friends much, but I enjoyed being around her. She had this aura that seemed to always capture me and bring me in. But this is just one of the many things I love about her..

Tohru..__

The heretic seal beyond divine  
A prayer to a god who's deaf and blind  
The last rites for souls on fire  
Three little words and a question: why?

He paced across the room, an angry expression on his face as he turned to me. "Why!" He shouted, moving closer to me, grabbing the collar of my shirt in his fist. "Why would you think I would allow something like that!" Akito screamed. I flinched, trying my best to not allow the tears flow as I tried to breath.

After realizing how much I loved her, I had come here. I knew that the answer would be "no." It always was. Akito hated people falling in love.. But I didn't think he would care so much... And I thought..

"Why did I ever allow her to stay," Akito mumbled to himself as he looked at me, a small devilish smirk was plastered on his lips. "My pet.." He whispered, trailing a finger down my cheek.. __

Love's the funeral of hearts  
And an ode for cruelty  
When angels cry blood  
On flowers of evil in bloom

And I was thrown in the room. I heard the door lock behind Akito as he walked in, his traditional kimono was sliding off his shoulder like usual as he held something tightly gripped in his fists.

"You have to be punished," He said, laughing at me as I curled up in the corner, my eyes welling up with fresh tears as I shook my head in protest. But that just made him even more angry. "Did you just tell me what not to do!" He said hysterically, raising the whip, and in one short motion slashed it against my body.

I cried out in pain, my body quivering as I allowed the tears to flow freely..__

The funeral of hearts  
And a plea for mercy  
When love is a gun  
Separating me from you

"Tohru.." I whispered as I stood at the doorway, watching the horrible event. Akito lay sprawled on his black futon, a small smirk on his face as he looked at Tohru Honda who kneeled before Hatori. Tears were flowing down from her face as Hatori pressed his hand to her forehead..

There was a light flash..

And then she was gone..

Out of my life..

And then came back the nightmares...


	5. When Love And Death Embrace

_When Love And Death Embrace--HIM_

"I'm sure Kyou-kun's going to like this," I say with a smile as I continue to brush my hair as I stand infront of the mirror. I was wearing my usual attire, my orange cat backpack, my knee-length green dress. Placing the brush down on the counter, I fluff my dark brown hair before turning and leaving the bathroom.

Skipping down the hallway of my house, I stop by Rin's room. Knocking polietly on her door, I soon opened it, a huge grin placed on my face as she looked up. "What.." She muttered, not looking up, but instead flipping through the page of her magazine. I didn't answer, but just continued to smile. Rin soon sighed before placing the magazine beside her on the bed and looking over at me. "Okay, what.."

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going over to Sensei's house to see Kyou-kun," I said with a smile before closing the door, and skipping to the kitchen. Grabbing my basket full of salmon onigiri, I soon left my house and ventured to Shigure's house.

I met Haru on the way there. He was lost as usual. Giggling, I helped him find his way back to the Main House, giving him one of my many home-made onigiri. He gave thanks before heading back home. I just hope he gets there okay.

Still giggling at what happened with Haru, I continued to walk down the dirt path leading to Shigure's house. Soon I reached the clearing, my smile was widening as I hurried down and went to the porch. I could hear Kyou and Yuki fighting, like usual.

I couldn't wait to see Kyou. He had been my childhood sweetheart. Although, I hated it how he always decided to push me away. It was as if he disliked me. But he couldn't, I knew it for sure. He promised he'd marry me.

Smiling, I slid the porch door open and undid the laces of my shoes before prancing inside the house and into the living room where a fight was currently being held. "Kyou-kun," I cried out loudly, after placing the basket on the floor beside me, I had my arms wide open, expecting him to come running at me with a hug..

But he didn't..

I watched as his face twisted in horror, his words becoming stutters as he turned to run away, not even welcoming me. But I wasn't that slow..

In a swift movement, I grabbed him tightly in my arms, pressing his head against my chest as my smile continued to be on my face. "Kyou-kun," I cry happily, stroking his vibrant orange hair, "Oh how I've missed you.."

"Get off my damnit," He managed to croak out. She was crushing him in her embrace.

"Why didn't you call," I began as tears slowly streaked down my cheeks, shaking him violently as my pent up anger began to flow. "Why haven't you visited me? I've missed you so much!" I cry, crushing him in my embrace, wishing his arms were wrapped around me..

"Get off me, woman," I heard him cry. But I ignored it as I held him tighter, brushing myself against him. I suddenly let go, watching as he crashed on the floor, watching him scrambling to his feet to run away.

"I brought you something," I said cheerfully, prancing over to my basket and holding it under Kyou's nose before placing it on the table. "I made them myself.. I know how much you like salmon, my Kyou-kun.." And for the first time ever..

"Uh, thanks, Kagura.." He said before sitting down and plopping one in his mouth.__

I'm in love with you  
And it's crushing my heart  
All I want is you  
To take me into your arms

I stood there in shock, trying my next not to allow my mouth to drop. He had just thanked me. I know, I know, I shouldn't be over-reacting because it was just a thank you. But it was from him. Kyou..

The boy who loved to be left alone. The boy who loves me... Who promised to marry me when we got older, despite how I'm a year or two older... My eyes immedietly begin to sparkle as tears of happiness begin to slowly run down my cheeks.

"Mm.. these are actually pretty good," I heard him say to himself, picking up another one and stuffing it into his mouth.

"Y-You really think so?" I manage to whisper as I stand behind him, my fingers clasped together and lightly clap them.

"Yeah.." 

"Oh my gosh! Kyou-kun, thank you so much," Kagura squealed, dropping instantly to my knees and throwing my arms around the orange-headed neko. "I know they're not as good as Tohru-kun's, but I tried my best. Just for you!"

Kyou squirmed around underneath my grip, trying to get out. A slightly annoyed look was on his face as he just sighed and gave up. He reached for another onigiri, but suddenly realized that Shigure had slinked out of the room, along with Yuki. And Tohru.

Blinking, I just squeezed him tighter, running my fingers through his vibrant orange hair. I was just happy to see him. So happy.__

When love and death embrace

"Kyou.." I say quietly, sitting beside him, looking up at him as he glanced down, mumbling something in reply.

"I love you.." I reply as he looked back at me. Something was wrong with this look. I have never seen it before. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I continued to talk quietly, "And I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you, Kyou-kun. I love you so much.. That if you left.. if you were to die, I wouldn't be able to keep on living.. That's how much I love you.."

Kyou just blinked at my reaction. He couldn't believe how calm I was acting, how I was not flailing around, beating the living pulp out of him.. He was truely amazed. A small smile formed on his lips as he just propped his head up with his elbow as he looked at me.

"And I know.. that you don't love me back.. But when we were younger.. you promised that you would marry me..And I know how now.. You don't really want to.. but.. I'll always love you in my heart.." I said quietly before standing up and leaving Shigure's house, and began walking back to my house.__

I love you  
And you're crushing my heart  
I need you  
Please take me into your arms

But the next day, he got angry at me. I had only come over to see him again. I remember entering inside the house, a cheerful look on my face as I called out to him, my arms spread as I expected him to run into my arms after my confession yesterday.

There was silence for a few minutes...

Kyou stood there, fighting with Yuki, looking over at me. His eyes were slightly narrowed as the two stopped fighting once I entered.. "What the hell are you doing here?" He shouted at me, as I tried not to let the tears fall.

"I-I just thought.."

"You thought what? That you could come over here when ever you want? God, woman! Leave me alone, I don't even like you! I hate you..!" Kyou shouted angrily, his face was a bit red from anger as I turned around, cupping my face in my hands as I ran from the house..

I ran fast, flinching as twigs slashed me in the face. I didn't care. All I wanted was to get home.. I needed someone to talk to.. Maybe Rin.. Or maybe.. Hatsuharu..

Arriving at my house, I open the door and slide my shoes off before hurrying up the stairs to my room, dropping on my bed as I allowed the tears to quickly run down my cheeks as I held the pillow close to me..

Why...__

When love and death embrace

I was angry when I did it..

I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore..

I pressed the blade to my wrist, remember what once a girl at my school had said about this. Go down the road, and not across the street...

I dragged it down my arm..

And watched as the fresh blood came sputtering out and ran down my skin..__

When love and death embrace

It was a numbing pain..

I switched hands with the knife, pressing hard into my flesh into it bled, and I dragged it back to the other side of my elbow...

I began feeling a bit faint...

Blood was splashed all over the walls..

All over the floor..

And it was staining my clothes, but it wasn't like it mattered.. Because..

He didn't love me..__

When love and death embrace

I knew how he'd regret yelling at me like that after the confession. I wanted him to feel my pain..

I laughed..

And then I collapsed on the bathroom floor, the knife gripped tightly in my hand..

And I headed toward the light in the tunnel..  
_  
When love and death embrace_

And now..

It's sad to say..

But..

I didn't live long enough.. for my happy ending..


	6. Ghost Of You

_Ghost Of You---By Good Charlotte_

I remember how things used to be when we younger. I was two years older than you, but it didn't matter. We were the best of friends, always caring for each other. But something went wrong somewhere. Looking back, I still can't pinpoint the exact position. For some reason, you started to fade away from my life, running away every time I came to you.

And then she came into our lives. I could see it in your eyes that you had strong feelings for her. It broke my heart, shattering it into a million pieces. I'd stay up all night, trying to put it together, piece by piece, but it would never be whole again.. Because of you. And because of you, I'll never be the same way again. I'll never be able to love again, and I've never loved anyone but you.

I saved a space in my heart for your love, hoping that one day you would realize my feelings for you, and try your best to give your feelings to me. It never happened. And though everyone tells me that I should give up, I can't, because I will always have a space in my heart for you. You mean the world to me, and without you, I'd have no reason to live. You are everything I wanted. You're my everything.

_And I will wait until the end  
When the pendulum will swing back to the  
Darker side of our hearts bleeding  
I will save this empty space  
Next to me like its a grave  
Where I lay a place for us to sleep eternally together_

Every minute I live, my heart yearns for your love. I cry for you when you're hurt, and even though I love you, I still know you have those feelings for her. For Tohru-kun. And I know, that no matter what I do, those feelings will never disapear. Although they may fade, and you may come back to me, I'll know that deep down, you once loved her. And I'd never be able to live with myself.

Rin has told me that I should give up and let you be with her. I can't because my feelings for you are too deep, too real. I cry ever night, wishing you were beside me, holding me close to you. It'll never happen, but I always wish that it will.

I still have that picture of us when we were younger. You were kneeling beside me, with that gorgeous smile plastered on your face. I was looking down admirably at you. I wished things could go back to like it was. But there's nothing left.. Nothing left of what we were, at all. And as I pace around my house, I crave you. I wish you'd come back to me. But it will never happen. Not ever, not ever again.

_I have been  
Searching for  
Traces of  
What we were _

I still have your blue sweater. The one I accidently ruined that one day at your house. It reminds me of you, reminds me of us. I finally fixed it with some help from Rin's mother. I know that she dislikes me as well, but I always talk to her. She sometimes confides in me, so it's not all bad. But Kyou, everytime I look at us, I wish that we would be together once again.

And sadly, I know that this will never be the same.

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
And nothing left of what we were at all _

I lay in my bed, your sweater pressed up tightly against my chest. I wish you could see how I felt. I wish you could see my tears that rolled down my cheeks when you showed Tohru your true self. I wish that we'd be able to be friends again, and I also wish you wouldn't run from me like you always do. But how can I change that? Is it even possible to change someones feelings?

I toss and turn in my bed, wishing you were there to comfort me, and to hold me in your arms. Sometimes, I dream that you are there. You look like a guardian angel. And everytime that you're there, you tell me that you love me, and that you'll never leave. But you have, and it always tears me up, and I always feel as if it was my fault that we are like the way were are today.

But.. we're nothing

_So here I am, pacing around this house again  
With pictures of us living on these walls   
I see my breathe in the cold of the air that I breathe  
And I'm wondering  
I'm wondering if it's you that i feel  
If its you that I feel here haunting me forever_

I could never patch up our relationship. I could spend the rest of my life, trying for us to be together again, but it would never work. A large ridge had filled in between us, filling it up with lies and hopes and dreams.

And memories fill in my thoughts, bringing the tears back to my face once again. I've cried so many tears, more than any human should. I wish you could feel the pain I'm feeling. To see how unbearable it is to live. And my harshest thoughts race through my mind. Like the time you yelled at me, and many more. I sometimes think of ending it all, but then, I'd be a coward.

I need to face my fears, but how can I, when my nightmares have become reality?

_I have been  
Searching for  
Traces of  
What we were_

I would give you anything. Tell me what you need and I would go get it for you. And I'd give up everything and forget it if I could just be with you for another day, to be held by your strong arms. How are you going to tell her, Kyou? Tell Tohru that you're being locked up?

Years have gone by, and my pain still thrives for you. I thought I'd give everything, but you're still not mine, and my heart is still empty. I've lived many years, trying to gain back your trust, but nothing works anymore. Has my life been wasted?

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
And nothing left of what we were at all _

So please come back to me, I'm right here waiting. Please come back to me again... For I need you to be able to continue living this life. I can't live my life anymore the way I have been for the past 18 years. Every day that I live, I feel like it's a waste. Every day, I think of ending it all. And every day, I wish that you were there beside me once again.

We are all the same, Kyou. I know how your life would be if you went with Tohru. You'd never be happy with her, even though you think that you would. You'd be transforming many times, and you'd never be able to hug Tohru. You and her would go throughout misery. Be with me, for I've lived through 15 years of misery, craving to be with you once again.

_And i'm not looking for   
Anything but us  
Anything but what we were  
And i'm not asking for  
Painted memories  
I only want to know you're here _

I'm not asking that you marry me, although that would make me the happiest girl in the world. I just want to be with you again. Is that too much to ask for? I want to know that you are here with my again, and that we can have many more wonderful memories and times together. And we'd be able to be friends once again, and maybe, hopefully even lovers.

And that is why, I'm standing here. This is why I am standing before you right now. And I can see the anger in your eyes, but can you see the hurt in mine? Will you ever forgive me for the things that I've done? How could you hold a grudge on someone for this long. And then I see your eyes soften, and you take steps toward me. Sucking in my breath, I always wait for the worst.

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
and nothing left of what we were at all _

And that's when I wake up from my dream. My hair matted to my forehead from sweat, and no one is around. No one is there but me, and you're gone. You left with her and without me. And as I cry some more, it feels as if I've cried all I could. All my tears have been cried for you, but yet you don't care. And why should you care, I'm just a Ghost of You.

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
and nothing left of what we were at all. _


End file.
